Nothing To Lose
I stormed out of the office and headed for the patio area in front of my office building. It was October 2003, and everybody knew what happened. Ever since our division consolidated in February 2002, there had been more "closed door" conversations than ever, and when they involved me, I usually came out angry. This time I was madder than ever. I was sick of the office politics, sick of the cliques, sick of people sneaking around the rules ? and you can only take all of that being sick so long before you explode. After complaining to my supervisor for the umpteenth time about the state of affairs, we both cracked. I told her I was disappointed at the lack of morals and integrity, and she told me that I needed to just shut up and get professional help for depression if that's what it took to quit complaining. Here is the ironic part: I have a degree in psychology.
I stared down the tree-lined street wondering how it came to this. When I was hired 1998, things went well. I worked for a wonderful person that trained me well and had faith in my ability to learn and grow. After a year and a half, I was promoted to another job that required me to move to a different office. This too went fairly well, until we consolidated three years later. Then everything changed. It went from a small, easy-going office to a large formal setting where cliques were common and conformity was prized above all else. A tense atmosphere where politics ruled the roost and pressure to make the "right" people happy replaced the laid-back demeanor of our office. If you didn't conform to the system, you were shunned.
It didn't take me (and everybody else) long to find out something vital about my character in the time that followed: I'm a non-conformist. Although I tried blending in and making people happy, I eventually grew frustrated with putting on an act. I was raised in a strong Christian home where faith and integrity are the highest values, and the new politics were in direct conflict with everything I believed. It finally spoke up, only to be ridiculed for my ethics and labeled a radical that needs to be put back in my place. Then they would turn around and tell me not to take it personally, and that if I thought they didn't like me, I was paranoid. The nerve of them to question my mental state after all of that flip-flopping! I was the only consistent person in the office whose actions matched their words! For a strong individual like me, the entire time was downward spiral into hell.
As I stood outside trying to calm myself, I realized what the true problem was. I had placed my fate in their hands. For years, I had worked hard for these people, hoping they would eventually reward me with promotions. Now I could see that my faith had been misplaced. Moving up through this organization is more in who you know and how much they like you than your credentials. I clearly realized that my career with these people was over. I wouldn't play the game, and because of that they were going to stop at nothing to try to drive me out, or at least drive me crazy. I was a fool to place my future in the hands of people whose only interest was in how I could keep the work flowing and improve the bottom line.
Since I had no friends at work, I turned to writing to work through the frustration caused by the clash between my values and work environment. It has been a lifelong hobby of mine, but since my husband and I bought a computer used it to work through personal issues of faith. I eventually found enough courage to submit a few of my short stories for publication, and had been fortunate to win a writing contest and get several other stories published on the Internet and in small publications throughout 2003. I also spent three years writing a manuscript for an inspirational self-help book, and it was my dream to get it published. I actually did submit it to some publishers in 2002, only to get rejected. Actually, 30 publishers rejected it, many on the premises that I was an unknown writer. I decided to focus on getting short stories published so I could build my credentials.
I knew my supervisor's insult to my mental state was meant to make me doubt myself, but it did the opposite. All of the harsh treatment I endured from these people made my own reality crystal clear: My career had stalled, while my writing had been slowly building up. I knew deep in my heart that it was time to get that manuscript off my hard drive and into print, despite my fear of failure. It was time to take my future back and follow my heart to true progress. In a sense, I had everything to gain and nothing to lose. That day, I felt my chances of making some unknown publisher happy were much greater than making any of those miserable people in that building happy!
I walked back in the building with a renewed sense of purpose. I'm sure that many people expected me to quit, but I didn't because jobs were scarce, and I was devoting my time and energy into getting my manuscript ready to submit. My colleagues' reaction to my few writing successes was cool at best, and since they wouldn't speak to me I didn't tell them about my new quest. I simply did what I had to do, kept to myself, and didn't talk to anybody unless it was strictly business.
Editing my manuscript was a challenge. Since I work full-time, I had to work on it at night or on weekends, and this isn't easy when you come home tired from a full day of work. I was pretty stressed out, and after my final blowout with my supervisor; my body succumbed to all of the pressure. I got sick, and didn't fully recover for three months. Once I got rid of one thing, I would be well for about a week before I was down with something else. Sinus infections, viruses, various relapses of these ailments, and finally a kidney infection had me struggling through every day. I propped myself up in bed with my notebooks, worked in my pajamas late at night, and spent entire weekends in front of the computer. In January 2004, I was ready to send my dream into the big, bad world again.
Although it had been rejected before, I felt more confident about submitting it this time. I rewrote the entire manuscript, and fully believed it had the potential to speak to people and help them find the faith and courage to improve their lives. Despite the fact that I was regarded as the "office freak," I knew there were others just like me that needed encouragement, and believed a publisher somewhere out there would find inspiration and potential in it.
This was a hard time for me personally. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband and family, and working on my manuscript did bring me a sense of joy and purpose. In fact, writing has always made me feel happy and peaceful. It also helped me cope with my work situation. Although I worked in an office with 60 people, I was isolated. The only time people talked to me was to ask a question or give orders, and I never talked to anybody unless I had to. This was a lonely time, and I did suffer from doubts about standing my ground.
My decision proved to be right in February 2004, when an E-mail confirmed that taking my life back was the right thing to do. I got an offer from a publisher on my manuscript. It seemed too good to be true, but in fact, I had a lawyer look over the book contract and confirm that it was legal and legitimate. I joyfully signed it, made copies for my files, and practically skipped to the post office to mail out my passport to the future. A funny thing happened the day I mailed the contract. When I returned from the post office, my supervisor informed me that our division was consolidating with the main office and moving in late June. For the first time in two years, I smiled in that building. They had no way of knowing that my entire life turned around in two hours. I mailed out a signed contract to make a lifelong dream come true, and now I was going to have an opportunity to work with new people!
Getting a book ready for publication is a lot of work, but I was happy to fulfill my obligations. What is interesting is how that success gave me the confidence to take control of other things in my life. When talks about the work move people began, I spoke with the Accounting Division and convinced them to let me move in with them. I finally changed my work hours to an earlier shift so I could work the same hours as my husband. I cut my waist-long hair to my shoulders, which is the shortest it's been since middle school. I found the confidence to be myself and made some great new friends at work after the move, one of which taught me how to cross-stitch. I overcame my fear of needles and gave blood, worked with my husband to create a web site, and braved the kitchen to make Christmas-Eve dinner, complete with my grandmother's bread dressing recipe that I made by myself for the first time.
Through this situation, I learned you can make your life better if you have the confidence to pursue what makes you happy, in matters both great and small. Faith is the most powerful force in the universe, and with it you can accomplish great things. You have everything you need inside of you to be the person you were meant to be, and nobody can take that away from you. I am so thankful I decided to take my life back. It's been slow progress, but well worth it. My book, Battleground Earth ? Living by Faith in a Pagan World, is now in print and available all over the world through Internet outlets, and can be ordered at any bookstore. I work with a wonderful new group of people that are faithful, respectful, supportative, and accept me for the unique individual that I am. I'm confident in my decisions and feel I have much to share with the world by being the person I was meant to be. In fact, this is the happiest I have been since I got married. I can finally have joy and happiness, because at last I feel fulfilled in my life. In my own mind, I feel redeemed and rejuvenated.
In the end, I found my true self. And to think, it's all because somebody questioned my sanity!
Sherri Fulmer Moorer is a freelance Christian/Inspirational writer from Columbia, SC. Her writing focuses on applying faith to everyday living situations, and is based on her own personal experiences and the experiences of those around her. Her goal is to show people that the battles they face in life are shared by others, and how the Lord can use their experiences to build faith. She is the author of Battleground Earth - Living by Faith in a Pagan World (PublishAmerica 2004), which is a book about spiritual warfare and discovering faith in day-to-day living. For additional information, please visit the Battleground Earth web page at http://hometown.aol.com/bgearth/index.html
Money Doesnt Finance Dreams
Are you putting off your dreams until you have money? Well, each day that you put off your dreams, you lose a little bit of time for that dream.
Have You Just Hit The Wall?
Have you hit the 'brick wall' yet?
A Quick Observation of the Low Class
We can all learn a valuable lesson about the types of behavior and attitudes to avoid like the plague, simply by observing the characteristics of people we all know are low class. Being low class is not a function of the lack of money or social status. I've seen rich people and those high on the social ladder who were very low class. I've also observed folks who were living below the poverty level and low on the social scale who were very high class people. It also has nothing to do with race or ethnic background. Instead, being low class is strictly a matter of behavior and attitudes.
The Secret to this Famous Singers Success
It seems the longer think we have, the longer we put off living the life we see in our heads.
Top 4 Reasons Women Ride The ?Emotional Roller-Coaster?
1. Women have learned and are in the habit of being driven by the approval of others. Most women allow the expectations of others to define them and therefore making the approval of others is responsible for their happiness. This pattern gives others' the power to make and take your happiness at any time. Approval seeking steals your happiness and doesn't allow you to ever get to know yourself, your wants, your desires, or your needs. A total disconnect. Thus an up and down roller-coaster of emotions. Not a pleasant way to live.
The Magic of Success is Actually a Law Set in Motion. Finding it is Quite Simple
Building Energy Around your Investment!
Face Your Fears
Yes, that's me up there! Interestingly enough, I used to be deathly afraid of heights. I'm not suggesting para sailing is the best way to overcome a fear of heights but it worked for me. Sometimes, the only way through a fear is to meet it head on. That's what I did in this case.
Keep the Channel Open
Why do you do what you do? What is your real work in the world, and why is it important to know the answer?
Seeing Through the Pain
We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment. ~ Jim Rohn
The Simple Life
When we talk about a Simple Life, we are not talking about Paris and Nicole. We are talking about a life that is in harmony with our values. We are talking about a life that is joyful to live.
Violating Boundaries: Assert Yourself and Take Charge
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." ? Benjamin Franklin
How To Deal With Denial
Denial is a coping mechanism commonly used when something happens that we really don't want to see. Doing this is actually quite natural. After all, we want to keep our lives in order, and we resist taking in information that we feel would result in a loss for us.
The Power Of The Brain
Define Your Own Future - Shatter The Crystal Ball!
When I decided to look into remote viewing, I had the impression that it had some bizarre metaphysical and psychic associations. But, in reality, remote viewing is a natural and 'taught' method of probing remote locations in the past, present, and future. As I learned and experimented, one of the important things that I discovered is that you cannot accurately predict the future of any person or event. Of course, some would argue this point and I would probably agree that we can 'see' the future. But, what I mean is, the future changes far too rapidly based on our experiences and directions for anyone to be truly accurate.
The Default Setting
In the coaching relationships I have with our clients, the major problem I see is that individuals end up in the same place - over and over and over again. They mean to save money and build wealth, only to end up (again) with "too much month at the end of the money." They've lost the same 15 pounds 8 times in the last decade. They quit one job only to end up doing the exact same job with the exact same pay for a different company. They end a relationship and then start dating the same person with a different name. Sound familiar? Everyone has patterns and they are determined by what we refer to as the "default setting".
How to Exude More Confidence
Confidence: The word conjures up images of self-assurance and belief in ones' self. Self-confidence is inward security. It basically means that your source of security comes from within yourself, you're confident in your integrity to your own value system. It is not congruent with doubt or fear.
When Life Gives You Waves, Learn to S.U.R.F.
Would you like to learn a skill set and technique so powerful that you could learn to recycle every failure, disappointment, setback and discouraging situation into a steppingstone for your success? Would you like to go into every situation with confidence knowing you will have the skills to convert it into an experience with a positive benefit?
Back to Boot Camp
You know, whenever you are going to make a major change and begin to undergo a different lifestyle, it is probably good to make a massive move in that direction. Think about it. As the old saying goes, "If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got!" So if you keep on living the way you are living, you will keep right on with the life that in many ways you wish was changing! So how do you change your life? You change what you are doing!
Are Your Dreams A Day Late And A Dollar Short?
One of the greatest challenges facing our ever intensive quest for the impossible dream is to make it across the finish line even if it's only by the skin of our teeth. Many outstanding accomplishments have been started just to see our vision die one foot short of the goal line. Sound familiar? Don't get your knickers in a twist; here's an idea.
Stop Procrastination - Just do it!
What stops you from 'getting things done?'
|home | site map|