How to Exude More Confidence
Confidence: The word conjures up images of self-assurance and belief in ones' self. Self-confidence is inward security. It basically means that your source of security comes from within yourself, you're confident in your integrity to your own value system. It is not congruent with doubt or fear.
I think that Franklin D. Roosevelt hit the nail on the head when he said, "Confidence thrives only on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection and on unselfish performance. Without them, it cannot live."
Confidence is not to be found outside of one's self, it is not an inherent part of your personality when you are born, but rather is something that can be learned, honed and integrated into your daily behavior. We build or lose self-confidence by choice. It is something that can be destroyed by a parent, teacher, sibling or colleague by a thoughtless offhand remark that is taken to heart and integrated into the psyche of the receiver. Often the event passes quickly and neither the giver nor the receiver is even aware of what has happened. This occurs whether it is used to build one up or break one down.
Luckily, if you have low self-esteem or a lack of confidence you can find the direction to build up these skills through a motivation to do so. Sound simple? Well it is. You see, since confidence comes from the inside out, you can begin by acting as if you are self-confident. Begin with something small, pretend that you are confident and just do whatever it is that you lack confidence in.
The first time I had to speak before an audience, I was terrified. So I did my research, prepared my speech, practiced and (yep, I was still scared stiff). But, because I knew the material I only had to overcome the fear of getting up in front of the audience. Well, after I was introduced, I had no other option but to go through with it. So, I stepped up to the podium and acted as if I was a great speaker and when I completed my speech, someone said "wow you're such a confident speaker" and I realized that the audience couldn't tell that I had butterflies in my stomach the whole time. I decided to use the "act as if" strategy whenever I needed to feel confident and as time passed, I found my confidence grew.
Remind yourself of what Joe Palermo said, "If you're knocked down, you can't lose your guts. You need to act with supreme confidence or else you'll lose again, and then losing becomes a habit." It doesn't matter what your circumstances are, what's important is that you are in control of how you respond and react to each situation you are faced with.
In my book, "Self-Creation: 10 Powerful Principles for Changing Your Life," I recommend using the 4-step coping mechanism to build confidence. Whatever you are facing, begin by contemplating and analyzing the situation. Next, incubate it, step back and reflect, but don't make a decision yet. Then actuate, consider ways to restructure the situation, hold it up to the light and look for the opportunity in it. Finally, integrate; incorporate the new behavior in your daily actions and you will build your confidence.
As Marie Curie said, "Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and, above all, confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this something, at whatever cost, must be attained."
Remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said, "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face."
So, believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers, you cannot be successful or happy.
Yvonne F. Brown is an internationally recognized trainer, speaker, author, personal motivation, inspiration, and empowerment expert. Author of "Self Creation: 10 Powerful Principles for Changing Your Life" Yvonne helps people to eliminate self-sabotage, stop self-limiting beliefs and reach their highest potential. She teaches how to accelerate personal performance and career fulfillment for workgroups and individuals everywhere. Her new book "Ethics, Choice and Leadership" will be available later this year. To learn more visit her website JAD Communications International. and subscribe to the Pathways to Abounding Inspirations newsletter.
The Conversation of Recovery - Part Two
The listening for the Conversation of possibilities will be even more unfamiliar than the one about the self-limiting belief. Even though possibilities will be caused for the individual and a sense of hope and inspiration created, there will be a tendency at some point for the person to not belief that their life can be truly transformed merely by creating possibilities. Even when the person gets the existence of his self-limiting belief, how he has been being that in his life and the impact upon himself and others as a result, a sense of doubt will arise that mere words or language will truly assist them in transforming their life let alone cause them to be successful with respect to their recovery. As with a newborn child, the existence of possibilities once invented or created will be quite fragile. There will be in the beginning of this Conversation a tendency to return to being ones self-limiting belief if for no other reason than it is familiar to the person. The self-limiting belief is about life in their comfort zone, from the ego, in what is reasonable and familiar to them. Even though the individual will become enrolled into his possibilities it is in the person's initial not getting of its application in life that will leave it vulnerable. The individual will return to his community and with this reentry a breakdown will happen. The success of this process will rest upon the individual continuing to stay in the Conversation about his possibilities and also upon the one assisting to continue to generate the space necessary for this creative process to be lived fully.
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