Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life by Kevin B. Burk
I'd like to invite you to consider a powerful concept. This concept is essential--we must learn how to master it if we want to experience the levels of joy, happiness, love and prosperity that are our birthright. Many of us, however, resist this concept. We use it sparingly, if at all, and occasionally, we won't even consider it as an option. In fact, for many of us, this concept is so emotionally charged that I hesitate to even name it, because if I call it anything other than the "f-word" it could put our egos on high alert.
You see, in many cases, avoiding this concept is the ego's front line defense--an effort to protect us from experiencing pain. The ego believes that if we embraced the "f-word" we would be defenseless at best, and at worst, we would be destroyed completely. Of course, it doesn't help that most of us have a somewhat ego- and fear-based understanding of the "f-word" that makes it less than appealing. The truth is that embracing the "f-word" is the secret to experiencing genuine freedom in our lives.
So, what is the "f-word"? Forgiveness.
In order to improve our lives, our relationships, and our reality, we must learn and practice forgiveness. We must forgive freely, liberally, and often. We must forgive everything and everyone--especially the people we are the most reluctant to forgive. But let's take a few moments to consider the true nature of forgiveness.
Guy Williams, a friend of mine who also happens to be a minister of Religious Science, suggested this take on the nature of forgiveness. Forgiveness simply means to give as before. When we are angry with someone, when we harbor resentment towards someone, we have stopped giving to him or her. We no longer give that person our love or our compassion. They have betrayed us and caused us pain. And we know what happens anytime we have a painful experience, right? Our egos immediately create a new frame and a new belief in an effort to protect us from experiencing that pain again in the future.
Our egos are reluctant to accept the truth that sometimes unpleasant and painful experiences are unavoidable. Our egos need to believe that they can protect us. Our egos need a scapegoat--something (or someone) concrete that can be identified, isolated and avoided. Holding onto our anger and resentment keeps us separate from the person or persons who betrayed us. This, in turn, reinforces the illusion that we are separate from those individuals, and distances us from the truth that there is no separation: We are all aspects of All That Is. The less we remember the truth of who we are, the more our essential spiritual and life lessons seem to present challenges rather than opportunities. Everyone always does the best they can at any given time, and that's all we can ever expect.
It's worth noting that when we choose to hold a grudge and to remain angry, we carry the pain of the betrayal with us. We experience a small amount of pain each time we think of it. The ego actually wants us to experience this pain, because the little pain will serve to remind us how important it is to avoid the big pain. And the only way to avoid the big pain is to protect ourselves from close, supportive relationships with those who have hurt or betrayed us.
Frequently, the person that we most need to forgive is our self. We betray ourselves each time we listen to the ego and forget the truth of who we are. And the more we betray ourselves, the more our egos try to protect us (from ourselves, yet!) by strengthening the illusion of separation from the Source. And of course, the more we believe the illusion of separation, the more we betray ourselves, and experience pain. The way to break out of this vicious circle is to forgive ourselves--to "give as before." We must learn to express unconditional love and compassion for ourselves. As we experience this love and compassion, we will reconnect with our true selves. And the more we're able to forgive ourselves, the more we're able to forgive others.
Kevin B. Burk is the author of The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life. Visit http://www.everyrelationship.com for a FREE report on creating AMAZING Relationships.
Heart Matters-- What Matters Most
With excitement and anticipation I jumped on a plane last Thursday evening to Florida to visit my family and fish some with my dad. Six hours after arrival I painfully watched while many types of medical professionals frantically, yet methodically temporarily stop my father's heart in order to prevent it not to matter twenty minutes later.
When Bad Things Happen (Part 2)
The good that Paul writes about is a commitment of life to the sovereign will of God. It is complete trust in God. It is a conviction that cannot be blurred even by the reality of human suffering.
Candle Burning to Petition the Male Saints
Last NAN I explained how to petition the female Saints with special requests. This time around I'll provide some instruction on how to ask to be put in the cosmic care of the Male Saints . These are very ancient pagan rituals, which have been popularized by the Christian Church. The basic methodology is to put your request under the appropriately coloured candle on the suggested day of the week along with an image of the Saint (which you can often find on the Internet) and/or a symbol or emblem that represents the Saint.
When Bad Things Happen to Good People
Why do bad things happen to good people? Surely this is a question all of us ask from time to time. Some of Jesus' listeners asked Him the same question. (Luke 13: 1-9). They brought up the recent news about some Galileans who had been cruelly offered as human sacrifices by Pilate; and about the tower that had fallen in one of the cities in which 18 innocent bystanders had been killed; and they wanted to know if these people's tragic deaths were due to their sins.
One of the most difficult barriers to overcome on the path to spiritual growth is extracting yourself from the tenacious grip of the Ego Story. Unsuspectingly, many people are mesmerized and possessed by this mental illusion. Possessed like some demon possesses a poor, hapless soul. They are ignorant of their ignorance. They do not realize they are separate. They believe that they are the Story.
Christian Ethics & Servant Leadership in Todays Workplace & Society
Evangelical Skepticism: Pursuing Your Right To Be Wrong
Michael Shermer speaks with the energy and passion of an evangelist, so it's not too surprising to learn that he used to be one. What is surprising is that he has made a 180-degree turn in his approach to belief. As a college student at Pepperdine University, he knocked on doors to spread the word of the gospel to anyone who would listen. Now he preaches the power of skepticism in the true sense of the word.
What is True Freedom?
Developing the Have-ing-ness Consciousness! Divine Prosperity Principles
How a Divine "Dream", gave me a Spiritual Principle for abundance!
Why There Are Four Gospels
The first gospel written by Matthew,who is Levi, is the first archtype of Christ in you as the fulness of the Godhead.
Spiritual Inspiration Music and The New Age
Spiritual Inspiration Music is about Love, Growth, Spiritual and Personal Development and our relationship to the Divine. It's about opening up, being your Self, expressing that Self by allowing the Great Creator to move through you.
My lady Lydia was a Hawkins of the ancestry of the great privateer 'Black Jack' just as thousands of miles away in Ottawa (We met in Las Vegas.) a cousin of my sister-in-law who was about to come work for my family's company was living. They looked like twins and that was a powerful co-incidence of synchronous energy in itself. When I saw him I asked him if he was related to the privateer and he was amazed that I knew this. Our meeting was a 'trip' of grandiose proportions that makes another book I have written seem so weird it would only be regarded as fiction (that book is called 'The Nos Feratu'). In this meeting with Lydia, I was able to exhibit some control that later was almost non-existent and nearly rendered my soul. Rendered has many meanings and when applied to the butcher and his trade, it is close to what kind of lard or jelly (fish) my heart was 'feeling' after a few months that were wild beyond my own vivid dreams. The setting of the story began at the 'Shark Club' in Las Vegas one night just before I turned forty, about eleven years ago. I was in the process of buying a home in Las Vegas after moving from Los Angeles where I had been involved with a basic and ordinary woman (totally honest, and without my having even talked about an 'US') who had another amazing 'gift'. Her special talent was total sensory recall of the physical body. Yes, my life has been a myriad maze of the paranormal and sexual interplay of what most people would call 'fantasy'. In the relationship with Lydia she was honest and totally in control with no reason for me to even grasp at the smallest of straws to think there could ever be an 'US'.
Is It Safe To Walk Into Your Doctors Office?
In a recent case study which I also summarized in a recent article entitled "Some Evidence of How We Are Spiritually Connected" I discuss how we are connected beyond the physical.
Basic Tarot for Beginners
If you would like to learn to read tarot cards, but have no idea who to ask to teach you or how to go about it, the following tips should help you get started on your path to telling fortunes just like a pro!
Will the World Really End on December 12, 2012?
I was recently asked how I interpreted the Mayan and Hopi predictions that the world, as we know it, will end on the 21st of December 2012. Would there be global war - possibly triggering a nuclear holocaust? Would the planet's life forms finally succumb to the ecological quagmire that's been building in our soils, oceans and atmosphere? Would the current steady increase of previously unknown diseases overcome our ability to defend against them? Or will we suddenly move into a new Golden Age in which the lion lies down with the lamb and struggle, pain, and suffering are gone forever?
Go Beyond - You Are Your Own Best Friend, So Start Liking Yourself!
A year ago, a beautiful woman came to see me. Her husband had been cheating on her and she wanted some advice regarding her future. Even though her eyes were dull, shoulders drawn and her face sad, I managed to look beyond that. Did you know that when you go "beyond", you can create new things?
Change Your Beliefs -- Change Your Health
To many people in the Western world Metaphysical Healing is akin to voodoo, quackery, complete fantasy or lunacy. In China, Japan, India and other Eastern countries Metaphysical Healing has been the primary medical practice for thousands of years. Metaphysical Healing is becoming more recognized in the western world. However, it is primarily considered a last resort approach, whereas, in Eastern countries Western medicine is considered a last resort approach.
What Does God Want From Me? A Personal Revelation of Conviction Verses Condemnation
It's strange how my life today looks wildly different from the way it was in the beginning of my Christian walk. My spiritual life cooled after being burned by a fellow Christian a few years back. Then, unthinkable challenges, such as adultery and divorce, came my way. I became someone far different from the bible believing, Jesus freak I thought I was.
Past Life: Wanting to Know Who I was in My Past Life?
Before we tread into the domain of Past Life... we need to understand the present and the future carefully. Before indulging in our Past Life we also need to know the purpose of life journey as a whole.
Surviving Separation: A Cinderella Story
I want to tell you a love story. It's actually about a girl named Cinderella. I'm sure you're familiar with the fairy tale but I'm going to tell you the TRUE story.
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