Cheating Spouse: Is Spying an Invasion of Privacy?
My, how the cheating spouse cries foul when he/she discovers you are spying.
Outrage can be intense: "How dare you!! I never thought you would stoop to that! How could you!? How can there be trust in this relationship if you do that? This is none of your business; I don't spy and go behind your back! Now you know why I want to pull away from you. How could I love anyone that would do something like that to me?" On and on. Cheating husbands and cheating wives usually will not admit the duplicity of their clandestine behavior. But you are made out to be the villain if you use detective work to discover the truth. It doesn't make sense, but then again not much about infidelity borders close to sanity.
Are you a morally corrupt duplicitous character hell bent on destroying the integrity of a relationship through spying? No, of course not. The integrity of the relationship has been destroyed through the extramarital affair. The affair shattered the promises and mocked the vows that the two of you made.
You saw clearly the signs of a cheating spouse. The affair invaded the domain of your marriage and crumbled its protective boundaries. The marital infidelity broke the contract of the marriage; it was the act of betrayal. Spying does not damage the marriage. It is an attempt to seek the truth and resolve the pain and deception.
Spying is often used to grasp the reality of the situation. It's intent is to find the truth. Only the truth can provide a foundation from which to begin resolving the hurt, pain and forging a direction for the marriage and enable each person in the marriage to attain health and sanity.
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com
Is Your Soulmate an Idiot?
Lately, I think people are investing too much energy in the idea that they "must find their soulmate." Where do we get this idea that we are somehow not complete unless we are connected to another person? What are you? An electrical outlet waiting for a plug, so you can finally light up the world? Frankly, when I hear the word "soulmate" I tend to give a little shudder, especially when I think about some of the people in my past that I have considered to be my soulmates. Quite frankly, most of my soulmates were idiots! The Buddha would say that they were also my teachers -- people I have known in a previous life time who have come back in this lifetime to teach me a lesson. Boy did they, but unfortunately, it sometimes takes several soul mates to teach us just one lesson. (Hint, hint -- I think the lesson is supposed to be about "letting go" and stop trying to control, or own people -- a common problem in this society.)
Love - Entrepreneur Style
For many of us, love has become a distant ideal. Often, we don't don't even spend much time thinking about sharing our lives with anyone else. We are too busy, we say, working too hard to look for that special person. Maybe someday, but not now.
True Love - Part 1
True Love! We all dream of being in love with that significant other, at some point in our lives. Is it better to have loved once than not to have loved at all? If this is really the case, then how do we actually find true love? How can a man or a woman really get to the core of the whole relationship game? What are the rules of such a game?
Why Men Cheat
"Big, little or short or tall, Wish I could have kept 'em all, I loved 'em every one" - T.G. Sheperd, I Loved 'Em Every One
Sometimes You Got to Spy ? Dealing with Online Infidelity
Online infidelity is more prevalent than you think. This includes chatting with unknown faces and watching or seeing porno. This is a real issue and it is completely addictive. Unless you stop now it is going to be a real issue developing into a big monster that is going to swallow your relationship, your friends and family. Ask yourself if your spouse has the same tools that you have to cheat as well and can you take it easy if they do? Infidelity is not worth the few hours you get to enjoy. Soon you have to spend hours spinning out webs of lies and more webs of lies to protect the lies. Finally you fall down because of the lies you spun out. The lies are more damaging than the act itself. You need to get a counselor and start talking about this problem. Deal with this now before it is too late.
Second Time Around the Block
Divorce happens. I'm not going to debate the causes or the moral and ethical implications of that here. Even if you're the innocent one who stuck to your vows and got dumped anyway, you still have to pick yourself up and move on. So let's start from that place. At some point you will wrestle within yourself and within your spiritual and religious beliefs as to whether or not you will date again. This article is for those of you who have decided that yes, you are going to date again and maybe even get married again. You've decided to give love a second chance.
Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Apologize and Forgive
I'm sorry can be words that are much too easy to say. The notion of apology and forgiveness in relationships takes "I'm sorry" into new territory that can be very healing and actually have meaning.
10 Reasons Why Married Couples Grow Apart (Part II)
This is a continuation of part one of this article which covered aspects such as communication, paying attention, affection and staying connected. We will continue to explore some of the underlying reasons why many married couples seem to be drifting apart and offer suggestions how to prevent or minimize these pitfalls. Being aware of the marital problems and actively working to avoid them can help restore or saved a marriage in trouble.
What Men Want From Women
Actually, it's pretty simple. Deep inside the heart of every man is a secret wish to be trusted. How many times have men said to their wives, "If you would just trust me." Many men wonder why it seems so difficult for their wives to do something so seemingly simple. The answer stems from the physiological differences between the sexes.
10 Red Flags In Dating Relationships
When starting a new relationship, many women (and men as well) tend to overlook some behaviors in their new partner that do not bode well for the future. Then, down the road, comes the exclamation 'If I had only known...'. As a Psychotherapist who has worked with mostly women and a few men in the field of Domestic Violence, during counseling sessions we can always trace back unpleasant and also dangerous character traits to the very start of the relationship.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 28, 2004
How Can Empathy Shape Your Values?
One of the most underrated concepts that most people overlook is approaching life from an empathetic standpoint.
When A Two-Salary Income Fails
While this may not apply to everyone, you may find that a second salary brings in substantially less than you thought it would. In the beginning, Rachael thought that since she and her husband were just about breaking even as a couple, that staying home with the new baby would not work -- infant needs seemed endless. So she went back to her old job.
The Man - Truth of The Visual Being
The article What Turns Them On explained about how men are visual being towards a woman's beauty. But don't go off thinking that all men are shallow just yet. The also seek long-term quality's in which good looks is not the #1 priority.
The Relativity of Your Life
We live in the world of the relative. What and whom we surround ourselves with, how we spend our waking hours, and the type of person we become is in direct relation to all that surrounds us.
Friends and Friendship - Who are Friends, What is Friendship
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Proverbs 17:17)
Clues to Help You Bust the Undercover Married Man, Before You Fall in Love
If your Knight in shining armor still hasn't come galloping, don't worry. The right one will soon come through. Don't be in a rush and run the risk of ending up in the hands of the wrong man ? an undercover single man, the fake bachelor ? a married man.
Relationship Advice: 4 Steps to a Genuine Apology
A genuine apology contains at least four elements: apology, acknowledgment, forgiveness and repentance.
Lifelong Partners, Lifelong Growth
Many people, maybe even you, think there is only one life partner for each of us in our lives. I've got good news ? we all have many, many life partners. A life partner doesn't have to be a romantic partner. A life partner is anyone with whom you share long term growth, internally and externally. Relationships in which you can grow with another person as change inevitably occurs are life partnerships. So the pressure is off -- you don't have to look for "the one" anymore.
Only You Can Decide If Your Interracial Love Will Stand the Test of Time
Interracial dating has really evolved over the past two decades due to the fact that the younger generations have had the chance to grow up in multicultural communities, allowing them to interact and make friends with individuals from a variety of cultural backgrounds. Although this has provided them with a different perspective and fewer prejudices, in most cases their parents and grandparents disapprove of their children mingling with others, whom they consider to be "not like them".
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