What Every Woman Should Know About Men and Romance
Men and women think differently about romance.
Men are goal-oriented. They measure their success by their achievement. Unconsciously, they tend to divide their relationship into two phases - courtship and 'Keepership'.
The aim of courtship is to woo the woman and win her affection. During the courtship, he is the hunter while she is the hunted. During the hunt, he can be wonderfully charming, thoughtful and sensitive. He attends to her every whim and fancy. He is sensitive to her feelings and needs. He pays great attention to every detail. He will go to great length to please her. If necessary, he will climb the highest mountain, swim the widest river, and bungee jump, just for her. He may send flowers or a loving note after a romantic date.
But once her heart is captured, the courtship is over. When the hunt is over, so is romance. When he senses the woman cares for him, he changes. His victory is assured. Having captured her heart, she is like a trophy for keeps.
Women tend to be different. They want romance to continue; they are disappointed when it ceases. Women often feel shortchanged by men when romantic behavior fades. Women complain that men take them for granted.
For most men, romance is a means to an end; to many women, romance is an end in itself. Most men don't feel discomfort with romance; they love it. Guess who read romantic novels - the women of course!
Men, on the other hand, are anxious to get over with the pursuit so that they can stop worrying, relax and enjoy the rewards of victory. While women tend to equate pursuit with love, men often equate not having to pursue with love. Having possessed her love, he can stop pursuing her.
Before marriage, men often declare their undying love with the magic words, "I love you." But after marriage, they hardly utter those words. The excuse men gave is that they have not changed their mind since they declared their undying love at the altar; and if he ever changes his mind, he would tell her. They feel they don't have to remind her that 'I love you' everyday.
What a dilemma for the women! Is there any hope for romance? Of course there are. A committed relationship need not be without romance and passion.
If a woman wants her man to be romantic, here are some things she can do.
Do not hassle him to buy you presents, bring you flowers or accompany you for shopping. Men do not like to be told what to do. If you keep nagging him, you will probably succeed in making him feel pressured and guilty, but you are not going to get him to feel more romantic. Even if he dutifully gives in and brings home a dozen roses from the florist, it will probably be mere compliance. Romance has to come from the heart, not out of obligation. The smart woman knows that compliance is an enemy of romance. Let him feel it is his ideas, not yours.
Simply allow him to enjoy being loved. Interpret his diminished need to be romantic as a compliment, as a hallmark of his trust in you. He is assured of your love. You are safely in his fold. Therefore he does not feel the need to woo you and to remind you of his love for you.
Understand the psychology of men. Do the unexpected. Reward him occasionally. Keep him in suspense. To be predictable is to be boring. Be unpredictable. Men enjoy the chase. Put him in a competition so that he will not take you for granted. Be vague. The uncertainty stimulates him, motives him to re-embark on the romantic chase; it drives him wild.
Remember, for men, romance is a goal-oriented behavior, a time when they are uncertain of a woman's feeling towards them. The key word is uncertainty. When men are uncertain, they become more romantic.
Choosing a Diamond Engangement Ring That She Can?t Say No To!
So you've decided to propose ? congratulations! This is a moment that most women have been dreaming about since they were little girls, so you will want to make it as special as possible for her. And because she is the most adorable woman in the world, you will want to give to her a diamond engangement ring that is as beautiful and unique as she is, so here are some tips to help you choose the ring that is perfect for her.
10 Reasons Why Married Couples Grow Apart (Part I)
When asked why their marriage is on the rocks, many couples often state that they have just grown apart. The reality of that statement just means the individuals no longer relate to or appreciate each other as they once did. This damage often occurs over a period of months or years and it is not even realized until it becomes a serious issue, which often escalates the marital problems even further.
Mairi came into my life about two years ago. She came from Arizona with a cheap trailer, four kids from three different fathers, and a seriously negative attitude. We met on a frosty October afternoon and with my Victorian upbringing, I developed a seriously negative attitude toward her. However, as time went on and I matured, we evolved from wary strangers into polite acquaintances then into comfortable friends
How do We Change our Self Esteem Perception?
Many of us have heard about the power of positive thinking to effect a change. The idea is not new, it stems from modern psychology as well as from ancient spiritual teachings. In each case, an individual is encouraged to avoid negative thoughts and to replace them with positive and hopeful messages.
Trust Starts with You
"I have a hard time trusting people."
Three Qualities of a Good Relationship
All relationships have some adjustment periods, but being hurt shouldn't be part of being in love. Loving relationships have good qualities, such as support from your partner, a willingness to communicate, a desire to compromise, and open an honest communication. When you do not have these fundamental qualities in a relationship, that relationship isn't likely to grow, and become something that you desire.
What Do the Words ?I Don?t Love You Anymore? Really Mean?
Have you been blindsided by an unhappy spouse who suddenly announced, "I don't love you anymore"? If so, then you know that these words can split a marriage wide open, along with the heart of the partner who may not have suspected that anything was wrong.
The Five Minute Relationship Miracle
"They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel." Carl W. Buechner
Relationship Failing? Consider Your Ways
Why Anger is Essential to Healthy Relationships
Sometimes it takes a girlfriend in order to have a really good shopping trip. It takes having someone who knows you very well either urging you forward on a contemplated splurge--or holding you back before you plunge ahead on one she knows you'll live to regret.
How To Save Your Marriage
Getting married (or beginning an intimate relationship) is, in a way, like starting a business you've always wanted to own or a university program you've always wanted to enter.
You CAN Improve Your Relationship
It seems as if creating successful relationships with our significant others and parenting children are two of the most difficult jobs we face and yet we get no formal training in either. It's as if people believe that we are born with an inherent ability to do these two things. Yet, look around us. In the US, the divorce rate is slightly over 50%! I don't know anywhere but baseball where a 50% average is a good thing.
He Still Hasnt Popped the Question - Should You Give Him an Ultimatum?
You've been dating the man forever, and he has yet to cough up a ring. You spend every single weekend with him. You endure his flatulent buddies from college. You put up with his lunatic mother. You alternate spending holidays with his family and yours, spending handsome sums on gifts for his nieces and nephews. You cook for him. You've baked him birthday cakes. Occasionally you even do his laundry.
Affairs: Advice for the One Who Strayed
To the spouse who had the affair, it's time for what I call a multilevel apology.
ARC of Understanding
In relationship we all make mistakes and sometimes we are insensitive to the needs of others, especially those very close to us All this leads to disappointments and resentments. The answer to handling disappointments is understanding.
Ten Tips to Play Together, and Stay Together: Lessons from the Teepee Turn-around
There is an old expression, which may sound trite, but I believe it is true, "People that play together, stay together." A couple (by marriage or some other agreement) can increase their chance of remaining a positive statistic, by creating a habit of engaging in fun activities together. These can be planned or spontaneous. When you have fun together, it creates positive memories, which act as seeds for a long, playful relationship.
How to Ask for a Gratifying Sex Life
So your relationship has changed over the years since you said "I do" and sex isn't what it use to be. First you should know that this is normal and common place in the majority of marriages. Knowing that you are not alone does not make you feel any better nor does it get you the satisfying sex life that you once had. You simply can't go through the trials of life without changing.
How to Handle a Cheating Partner
Most people do not understand the nature of cheating within a relationship. Let's begin by taking a look at that before going any further. Even though it always seems and is horribly unfair to any victim of infidelity, there are always two sides to every story.
What?s Special About Abused Women?
Before writing this article, I stopped and thought hard. By writing this, would I be putting potentially harmful information in the hands of abusive men? Would I be putting more women at risk? The answer kept coming back 'no' ? although the question did bring to mind another characteristic of abused women that I'll come back to.
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