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What I Learned From a Womans MagazineDavid Leonhardt Its amazing what you can learn about marketing if you can just find the time to spend in a dentists waiting room. I was reading a certain womans magazine, which will remain nameless because of my allergy to lawsuits. The magazine obviously has figured out what sells well, given that it operates on a consistent formula. For instance, one cover proclaims: "3 sizes slimmer by Memorial Day". Then, in one corner is a picture of "Cookies n Cream Cake", while in another corner is a picture of "Lollipups to brighten someones day". On another cover, the main headline is: "Lose that BELLY FAT!", while a secondary headline asks, "Cant stop binging" Just to make sure that readers can answer, "Yes", there is a nice picture in the corner of a "Banana Split Cookie Cake" labeled "Yum!", and the promise of "Family-pleasing Pasta dinners" inside. See a pattern Lets try one more. The big headline reads: "Lose 28 lbs by Thanksgiving". How Perhaps the big picture of a "Oreo Cookie Cheesecake" labeled "Yum!" will give us a hint. Or the promise of "Best-ever Potluck recipes". OK. By now I am sure you see the pattern. Thats right – poor grammar, punctuation and capitalization. The other pattern is, of course, the secret success formula:
I pointed this out to my dentist, hoping he might decide to increase the quality of reading material in his waiting room. The next week, I returned to find that my observation had obviously made an impression on him. There was all new reading material: Yummy Deserts Magazine, Best Cakes Review, and The Sugar Mountain Weekly. I noticed the décor had changed, too. Gone were the bare beige walls. Up were larger-than-life posters of cookies, cakes and ice cream. And strategically placed around the room were candy dishes. "Whats with all the changes" I asked. "Its all your idea," he said. "You are a marketing genius. If I can get people to start working on their next cavities as they are walking out from my office, I can increase my business by up to 17%." As he began to work in my mouth, I noticed a TV screen above. "Datz nuu," I said. "Oh yes," he answered, flicking a button. "See I have it set at the All-Sugar Channel." The dentist finished excavating and reassembled what was left of my mouth. "Here you go," He said proudly, handing me a lollipop. "Didnt you used to hand out toothbrushes" I asked. "Shh. Dont remind anybody of that. Toothbrushes are bad for business," he explained. I just could not believe what I had seen. I headed over to the body shop to see how my car was doing. A few repairs were needed, thanks to some bozo on a cell phone who thought that a red light means "stop when you hit another car". "Hows my car doing, Jack" I asked. "Its OK. You didnt get hit too hard," he replied. "Good thing he was only talking on a cell phone and not watching a game show on TV when he hit me," I remarked. "Hey did you see whats going on at the dentist" "Yeah, whats he doing with all those cookie posters in his waiting room" Jack asked. I explained how the womans magazine was building its customer base by tempting dieters with cakes labeled "yum!" "Its the dentists new business development program," I said. I was about to pay for the repair work when Jack held out a cell phone and a mini-TV set. "If you take the cell phone, I give you a five percent discount. Take the TV set and you get a ten percent discount." "What are you, doing" I demanded. "Hey," replied Jack. "Its my new business development program."
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